You awake in a room smelling of decaying life form, on closer inspection you uncover Jessica Ennis's used gym slip. Upon further inspection Usain bolts jock strap is found, indeed it appears as though some sort of bolt has been shot, a good week or so previously.
To the East lies a drunken blue hedgehog, it appears to be being humped by a deranged plumber.
To the South lies a shovel, a keyboard and a get rich quick manual.
To the North lies lies skynet and Edward Furlong.
To the West there is a bright white light, within which the faint shape of a square can be made out, approx 6 inches square. Upon closer inspection the letter P and C can be seen. Somehow you know this is the direction you must take.
Eat your nans pants